where has all the innocence gone to? :(

i did something today which i utterly regret, but yet, at that time, it felt like it was called for. i yelled like i've never yelled before in my life at my kids. :( since i started this job, i've shouted at them quite a number of times already, but never this bad. i think i shocked everyone outside of my classroom. i've never wanted to do this. but i really dont know what to do anymore. :(

i miss all the innocence that kids're supposed to possess as kids. while i love my kids &really pity some of them at times, i really dont understand; how is it that at their age, they already know how to say things that they shouldnt be saying, &having the most twisted mindsets that really shocked me at many moments already. they need to be educated on certain levels of discipline, &to be taught how to feel remorseful, courteous &respectful; to be taught not to use certain inappropriate words &languages. it really made me very much more appreciative of the environment in which i grew up with. i just wish, i knew how to get them to see that there's so much more in them than just all the bad influence that they're learning from outside. my voice/throat isn't appreciating this much either. :(
my daddy said to me earlier this evening, "seems to me like this job is gonna change a little of your character."
me: "in a good or bad way?"
daddy: "not too good. haha!"

i really hope not. i dont wanna change just because of them.
i just wish i knew how to reach out to them. :(

dear Lord, please teach me how to teach them &to draw them closer to me..

i can do this; yes i can. (: